Sunday, 27 November 2011

So, what kind of dumbass came up with this contraption? For those who do not know what this is, it is the Grand Canyon Skywalk (located 4000 feet above the Colorado River). Now, at first, I’m like “cool”. Then I’m skimming through the pics on their website and see all these random facts about the structure. 

The more I read, the more it started to sound like a death trap. The glass panes are 2 1/2 inches thick. ONLY ABOUT THREE INCHES. That’s as thick as my thumb is long. WTF. I am not walking on that shit.

Then it proceeds to say that each pane of glass can carry 100 lbs per square foot/800 people. :| I. Don’t. Believe. You.

“The Grand Canyon Skywalk is like a ‘Walk in the Sky’.” Um, it’s also like a plummet to your death. I can make a movie about all the ways it could go wrong, srsly. Didn’t anyone see King Kong?!

“People of all ages enjoy the Grand Canyon glass overlook.” I am so sure. Especially when some foolish older person is so stunned that he or she has a heart attack and flips over the overlook glass because they were leaning all up on that shit, and they fall to their death. D:

“The skybridge extends 70 feet past the edge of the Grand Canyon wall.” That’s 70 feet you need to sprint in less than a minute to save your ass if shit goes down.

“The Grand Canyon overlook’s foundation is strong enough to support about 71 million pounds—the equivalent of 71 fully loaded 747 airplanes.” I want to know how you tested that shit. And don’t tell me about the individual panes in a lab setting and all that bullshit. Real life situation. I wanna see 71 FULLY LOADED 747 airplanes on that bad boy—NOW.

“The skywalk glass bridge was designed by Lochsa Engineering and MRJ Architects.” Firstly, what a dumbass name. Lochsa. And yes, I looked it up. You named yourself after a river located in northern Idaho (no it does not flow through Nevada), despite being a Nevada-based engineering firm. Second, MRJ Architects, you don’t even know how to use your freaking website. All your pics are majorly pixelated. I do not trust anyone with technology that enlarges pictures worse than my grandmother. And that’s saying something, because I don’t even know if she knows how to type.

“The entire glass walkway weighs 1.2 million pounds.” Now, all I can do is imagine some really bored engineers using a crane to place the fully-built walkway on a giant-ass weighing scale. Also, suspending 1.2 million pounds over 4000 feet in the air…um, yeah, real fucking smart.

It’s also not even pretty. It’d be one thing if it was a gorgeous structure, but they made it so it almost blends into that ugly sandy-orange-pink colour. Dude, it’s clearly man-made, let’s not try to feign it as a natural thing. Play it up.

But knowing my dumbass self, I’d still walk around on it. Or, you know, go sky-diving somewhere. People always seem to surround themselves with death traps. :| They always think “oh that thing I heard about somebody else <insert crazy stunt or driving here> won’t happen to me.” 

I am at peace with the fact that it’ll probably happen to me as much as the next person. I should stop worrying about it.

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