Monday, 3 September 2012
Katy Perry is Every Teen Book Ever
I just realized this after watching the Wide Awake MV. Every single KP music video could be some sort of mash-up of scenes from a teen book.
1. I Kissed a Girl: A coming of age story about Katy figuring out who she is and what she wants in life. She has the perfect guy, is popular and things appear to be in Katy’s favour. Her life flips on itself when she finds herself attracted to a girl her age, at her school. One thing leads to another and Katy finds herself confused and the victim of her own confused feelings. After befriending this new girl, Katy can’t stop thinking about her cherry chaptstick and the kisses they shared. She realizes she doesn’t care about this new girl as much as she thought and breaks it off.
The new girl won’t have any of that. Katy’s innocent sexual explorations turns into a nightmare when she finds herself being blackmailed…okay, so I’m getting carried away with the story.In the end, our teen heroine wakes up and discovers it is all a dream.
2. Ur So Gay: Clearly a comedic story about a girl insta-loving this hipster dude from her school. Only to discover he has no penis, apparently.
3. Teenage Dream: Summer fling story about a girl visiting her family in the deep, deep suburbs. Meets friends of the family with a son her age. Bit of a bad boy. Drive off to a local beach. Sex ensues afterwards. Fast forward two months—they never see each other again.
4. California Gurls: Apparently California teens are always drinking and possibly on LSD. Everyday life to young Katy is like walking through Candyland. I suspect this ends up being a rehab story after the MV.
5. Waking Up in Vegas: Newly graduated and seeing the same guy since the beginning of high school, this teen couple pack their bags for the summer, grab their fake IDs and head over to Vegas. One loss after another win after another loss leads to drunken madness and a spiraling of morals. Confused about what they want to do with their lives, and figuring out how they’ll cope at two different colleges after the summer, the couple get married by Elvis Priestly. Their luck seems to turn for the better and they are rolling in dough for the better part of this obviously disastrous trip. The last few days of their trip is when luck seems to give them a good kick in the ass, especially noticeable after having a huge fight in their fancy new hotel room. They end up poor again and out on the streets. In a last ditch effort to see through to the end of their gambling adventures in Vegas, Katy’s beau plays slots with their last quarter at a Laundromat. They win (again).
6. Thinking of You: This would be slight historical teen fiction. Typical girl meets (gorgeous) boy and boy and girl fall in love. They feel like they could spend the rest of their lives together. Boy goes off to fight in war and dies. Girl is left heartbroken and utterly alone. Girl ends up with some douche (I only say this because while he seems like actually a decent guy, he clearly knows she loves someone else more even though he is dead and yet puts himself and and her through such misery by pretending otherwise) she doesn’t even like all that much. I bet she cries after sex. Boy comes back as ghost and haunts girl. Yeah, I totally made this into a paranormal teen story.
7. E.T.: Similar to Wall-E, this story appears to take place on remnants of Earth, in the midst of “junk”. Apparently this is after the human population has been mostly wiped out. An alien enters the solar system and through its telepathic what-nots is able to determine the history of the Earth. I think it takes the “form” of Earthly species (a hybrid) and falls in love with this kind of life. She approaches some astronaut suit-machine contraption and releases whatever is inside. Possibly the last human, and by the looks of it he’s albino. A cross-species love story.
8. Firework: Katy is like a more sparkly and larger version of Tinkerbell. A fairy doomed to the mortal world. In times of empathy or the nearness to a human in need, Katy sparks from her chest. It’s kind of inconvenient and often her clothes shrivel and burn up. She’s never really worn the same outfit twice. Katy goes around some European city helping the children and teens that live there; making their own sparks light up. Similar to Sailor Moon and the crystals found in people of value or the potential slayer bit in Buffy, Katy is encountering potential fairy-things. Perhaps even finding someone so grateful for learning the value of self-respect that they will replace Katy and she can be free to go home again. They proceed to dance in the cobbled square of some pretty nice ass building.
9. Hot ‘N Cold: This could possibly also be a really weird Sophie Kinsella type story. So I’m not sure if this was something he dreamed up happening out of revenge for leaving the bride hanging, or if this could count as some sort of weird sci-fi teen where Katy travels into Alexander’s daydreams and makes him understand that she is fucking nuts. But basically at some point, girls encounter a hot ‘n cold guy and this is the story of that. Teen-ified.
10. Part of Me: This is apparently the modern day story of Mulan, but starring Katy and her cheating, no-good ex. The ex-bf’s deceit led her to the decision of proving herself and representing her gender, apparently. I’m not sure if I’m offended she only decided to join the Marines after breaking up with the douche. A young girl trying to make her mark in the world and do her part for herself, realizing no man is worth your life. I think this is also about the War on Men, post breakup.
11. Last Friday Night: Kinda reminds me of Ferris Bueller but all at once, at one party. I’m pretty sure I’ve read like twenty teen books with these sorts of parties, where there’s that one girl that doesn’t wanna be there. In this case, it’s the host. But her friend, Rebecca Black, makes her get her party on by transforming her into a fucking unicorn of mares (via What Not to Wear style make over), while the entire Glee cast causes havoc in her house. Also, apparently this is at a time when streamers were still cool at parties. Also silly string. Love that shit. Also the pics go on FB or MySpace or someshit even though they are possibly from the 80s. But then they have a large screen TV and a Wii. WTF. I think the large brace contraption plus 80s style outfits are throwing me off. Also Hanson appears to be cool in this video, so then I thought it might be the 90s.
12. The One that Got Away: Clearly about a time-travelling woman who cannot seem to prevent her b/f, from the time she went back to, from dying. Eventually she gives up trying to keep him alive when his is killed by a random rock on the middle of the road. A pretty fucking huge rock. Final Destination-type fate is fiddling with their lives more than she can fiddle with it to end up with the one she truly loves. She settles for the man she thinks of as second best. Possibly the same guy from Thinking of You. Damn. This one is least like teen because it’s about an old woman and I had to make up that whole time-travelling part. It’s no Tempest (by Julie Cross), that’s for sure.
13. Wide Awake: A very Labyrinth-type MV, but instead of Jennifer Connolly we have teen-fantasy-cover-esque Katy Perry to do the job (she even has a cloak). So, I suspect, she’s not actually “wide awake” in this sequence of events. It appears to be a daydream between sets. Also, she is stupid enough to bite into a strawberry in a strange, unfamiliar place that has aspects of Stephen King’s The Shining. Anyway, so Katy is trapped in a labyrinth, but unlike the movie with the same name, she does not have the aid of sympathizing creatures nor, apparently, the motivation to save her younger sibling. Then, realizing this scene looks familiar, Katy pulls one of her Fireworks from her chest and aims it into the sky, much like in the last task of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. I guess she’s calling for help. The maze opens to a young girl with freaky eyes, somewhat resembling Katy. She and the girl head into this maze labyrinth instead and break through, trying to get free of this scary place in their heads (because by now you’ve figured out they are one and the same). Katy and mini Katy are now breaking out of a psychiatric ward. Katy is freaking out in a wheelchair while mini Katy butts head against TWO Minotaurs, which wakes comatose Katy. They run out of the maze into some sort of courtyard garden where a prince pretends to be her knight in shining armor, but crosses his fingers behind his back. Katy doesn’t need saving so she punches the shit out of him which breaks through the wall of the maze. They find the exit of the maze and mini Katy takes off on her bike into her past life and what have you. Katy wakes from her reverie before a concert and realizes she really did meet her past self in a freaking labyrinth (because the butterfly mini Katy gave her appears in her hands IRL). Typical teen.
Sometimes these are the things I think about on my nights off. It’s pretty damn sad…but fun!#teen #books #ya #young #adult #reading #read #literacy #bored #this #is #what #i #do #awkward #fuckyeah #part #of #me #katy #perry #teenage #dream #the #one #that #got #away #last #friday