Excelsior, fellow book lovers!
Sometimes I wonder why my books haven't asked for my parents' blessings yet.
You don't need to know who I am. Only that I like things. Like books. I am also a bookseller, which is why my hands are so dry to the point of them peeling off like snake-skin.
This blog is meant to be as ridiculous and funny as it is serious. I love books, reviewing them, discussing them, and analyzing them, but I'm also a fan of awesome things that make me laugh.
This does not include cheesy romantic comedies or lemon-flavoured candies. These are neither laugh-worthy (usually) or awesomely yummy (ick).
Thursday, 5 May 2011
This movie looks awesome. I want in. And also, I want to go to another earth too.
Wednesday, 27 April 2011
Popcorn Eaters
There are several kinds of popcorn fiends, but I have seen them all.
1. The impatient fiend: these characters are not ashamed to dive into their popcorn before any Cinema X employee can get a word in. In fact, they are so rapidly magnitized by the dripping mess of diabetes-in-a-bag that their faces become suddenly attached to the bag. If you are one of these wonderful patrons, there is no denying what many of us have witnessed: your face in that popcorn, eating like a dog.
2. The single-kernel fiend: these patrons are infamous for hogging a whole bag to themselves and devouring their concession item one single popped kernel at a time. The interesting bit about these fiends is that they fall under two categories, as well: a) the inhalers and b) those in for the long run. Inhalers almost literally inhale their popcorn the instant the single kernel is within the grasp of their fingers. In essence, the overall picture you may have of an inhaler is a viciously rapid arm moving up and down from popcorn to mouth. Those in for the long run are generally patrons that always eat slow. You know who I mean, right? The people that spend 45 minutes chewing the same piece of food, while you’ve finished your entire meal.
3. The picky fiend: they branch off from single-kernel fiends as they tend to grab small amounts of kernels at a time. These patrons pick out the yellowest of the popcorn in the bag. In other words, the picky fiend is the saltiest and most buttered popcorn hoarder as well. This is the sister category to the picky-chip fiends, who scramble around your chip bags, in search of the most flavoured chip.
4. The grabby fiend: these patrons tend to share a single bag with others in their group, though they seem to not want to share at all. Grabby fiends grab handfuls of popcorn, stuffing as much as they can fit in their mouths, as if participating in some sort of territorial-popcorn contest. The popcorn is not running away.
5. The spilling fiend: this category branches off the grabby fiends, except they are less territorial and more wasteful. Certainly, these patrons grab handfuls of popcorn, but half of it spills before it even reaches their mouths. And, of course, as all Cinema X employees know, patrons never clean up after themselves, because we are “paid to clean anyway” (but more on that later).
6. The gentleman…fiend? I initially labeled this “the spoon fiend”, but this is a category on its own. When I said I have seen every kind of popcorn eater there is, I meant it. While I cannot label all of them or encompass the many kinds in these numbered categories, as they are minorities, there are some too good to pass up, even if they are uncommon. My favourite patron is the gentleman. He sits there with his large, refillable popcorn, doused in butter and eats it with a silver spoon he brings from home. The gentleman is, to put it lightly, awesome.
