Excelsior, fellow book lovers!
Sometimes I wonder why my books haven't asked for my parents' blessings yet.
You don't need to know who I am. Only that I like things. Like books. I am also a bookseller, which is why my hands are so dry to the point of them peeling off like snake-skin.
This blog is meant to be as ridiculous and funny as it is serious. I love books, reviewing them, discussing them, and analyzing them, but I'm also a fan of awesome things that make me laugh.
This does not include cheesy romantic comedies or lemon-flavoured candies. These are neither laugh-worthy (usually) or awesomely yummy (ick).
Sunday, 10 June 2012
LOL. Basically.
#451 #69 #91 #at #author #best #bradbury #days #dead #deadmau5 #fahrenheit #fiction #illustrated #literacy #man #old #ray #read #sad #science #sexy #stroke #veldt #fuck #me
Wednesday, 16 May 2012
Book on Trial #30: Incarnate
This is a note for the new souls reading my reviews for the first time; there are always spoilers.
Author: Meadows, Jodi
Title: Incarnate
Keywords: Self discovery, identity, new soul, no soul, god, Janaan, religion, creation, dragons, sylphs, science, teen fantasy, love, romance, masquerade, reincarnation.
Recommended For: 13+
Rating: 
Sentence: I sentence Jodi Meadows to those awkward running-on-the-spot moments, in dreams, where you can’t seem to move away as fast as you’d like.
Review: So this book is not about a girl in a dystopian society being a butterfly. Points for surprising me Meadows, I actually had no idea what I was getting into. Well, I did hear a rumour about dragons, but then assumed some sort of Eragon business was all up in this (whatever this is).
That being said, this does not qualify as a DYSTOPIAN or POST-APOCALYPTIC read, unless everyone else who read this was reading some alternative version of it. Maybe a version where Meadows reveals something to indicate this takes place post-our-kind-of-humans rather than beginning of our-kind-of-humans with a million immortal assclowns to rub it in our faces.
But I’m digressing from the matter at hand. Ana: abused, soft-spoken, clever, too honest, easy to read, and a newbie at life, apparently. She’s like a child that’s been given too much candy and is crashing, all the time.
Yeah, she’s pretty fucking boring. I mean, come on, her favourite things are music (like the music that hasn’t been created yet, in her head) and eating honey from the pot. Oh bother, Ana’s not a newsoul after all, she’s hipster Winnie the Pooh.
And Sam is like a justified pedophile. Damn those teenage hormones and him being attracted to only individuals of his physical age (as clarified by Ana when doing some research on, big surprise, not her own origins).
Now it may seem like I’m overly criticizing a book I gave 3.5 plums to (so more than my “meh” rating), but I actually genuinely enjoyed the writing; the funny bits that weren’t really jokes so much a contemplation of the hilarity of it all; and the story, which is new and still getting started, much like Ana.
I could focus on what’s great about the this story: it’s different for teen fiction and fantasy; there are dragons and other mythical creatures; Sam may have taken Ana under his wing, but she actually doesn’t want to have to depend on him for everything; although attracted to each other almost immediately, Ana and Sam fall into like first and are comfortable doing friend things; matching souls (in love) are not always the same age and can be the same sex (not a planned or fated feel); Sam is afraid of dragons and not all that brave; and Ana, for all her fast learning and cleverness, is impulsive and sometimes the stupid kind of brave when Sam is in danger. But I’d rather touch on the things that I disliked or that drove me crazy.
First off, I’ll start with Ana leaving her Janan-forsaken “mother” at the age of 18. I feel like it’s an ad for porn/Girls Gone Wild (“I’m Ana and I’m 18 years old”). Everything that happens after that has to be legal, after all she’s of age. Though I suppose those rules don’t apply on this strange one-city-world. I understand there’s always been a million reincarnated souls, but it isn’t really clear whether they’re all in the Range and Heart. But I suppose that would be too densely populated.
Secondly, what is up with the pulsing wall and why is no one acknowledging it? I really do not understand. Can only newsouls see it? Which brings me to my next issue on how Ana fails at research. She doesn’t even begin with her own background, she must first familiarize herself with Sam’s. Then, when her parents’ journals are missing she doesn’t think to look at the books scattered all over the floor of Sam’s bedroom. Really? Please let’s be less ADD about this and focus on the task at hand. That last sentence is actually pretty hypocritical since I went searching for a funny “focus” picture and ended up browsing Pinterest for an hour. So, no funny pictures for you.
Anyway, Ana does not discover how she is created on her own. She is told by her father who happens to be stalking her because he pretty much is obsessed with creating more newsouls. Creepy. But what’s really annoying about all this is that there really isn’t an explanation for how Menehem tainted the temple or what Janan really is (certainly isn’t a god if it’s imperfect, by human definitions).
I’ll admit that Jodi Meadows had much world building to do and some explanation, so I’ll allow the slow beginning, but then the story picked up and everything happened all at once and it ended. And I was so frustrated (mostly in a why-haven’t-they-had-sex-yet way).
If I had to make suggestions for the next book I would include: Ana and Sam have sex (because they’ve been living together for weeks, the least they could do is pretend that not being all over each other is hard); more page time with other characters (there is too much of Ana and Sam, even when Ana and Sam aren’t together); and Ana standing up for herself more. She doesn’t know what or who she is and yet she is growing into an identity that readers can recognize. But she needs to stand up for herself, figure out things on her own rather than be handed answers and getting distracted by Sam.
Ugh, who am I kidding? I thought it was all kind of sweet. Especially when she uses her bluntness and honesty as a weapon of getting shit done. It must be the week before that time of the month.
Okay, I seriously can’t focus on this review anymore, so I’m just going to list a bunch of quotes I found hilarious for one reason or none.
“He had feminine underwear too, but that was too weird; I left them.”
“Sam must have been taller than me as a woman, and bustier.”
“Going after someone unknown in the dark and cold and almost-snow—that wasn’t brave. That was exceedingly stupid.” Says the girl who climbed on top of a not-quite-dead-dragon.
“I hadn’t meant my curiosity to cause so much pain.
Before I could find an apology good enough, he said, ‘I think last week wouldn’t have been so dramatic if I hadn’t already been killed by dragons not twenty years ago.’
That was before I’d been born, but it probably felt recent to him. ‘What happened?’” And she asks even though she knows she can read about it/NOT ask him to cause him pain.
“I can’t do this in-between stuff. Either we kiss or we don’t.” Yes, Ana telling it like it is. I kind of admire her bluntness.
“I want to tell you something.” (282) and then “Can I tell you something?” (283) Janan, this must be important. ”When I went north in my last life…” (284-285) Seriously? He was so eager to tell her a frakking story? He really is like an old grandfather.
“And, even though I knew better, I checked on the stairs. They were gone. I doubted I could trust anything to stay where I’d left it.”
#2012 #adult #author #awesome #book #butterfly #challenge #cute #debut #fiction #guilty #incarnate #literacy #man #masquerade #mtv #much #nosoul #old #on #pleasure #reading #reads #romance #science #sex #teen #trial #video #youngWednesday, 18 April 2012
Dear Bathroom-Renovator-Outside-My-Window
From what I gather (the shouting), the argument you are having on the phone sounds vaguely private. But here’s a tip, if you are trying to get the recipient to take you seriously, demanding “BE A MAN” is not helping your case. And I’m not just saying that because of your really early morning conversations with your co-workers about the motherland (Korea) and how your people led innovation in China and Japan.
I’m saying this because if your people really led innovation in the far east, what you really should be stating, and thereby striking fear into the hearts of your disputants, is:
Let’s get down to business
To defeat the Huns.
Did they send me daughters
When I asked for sons?
You’re the saddest bunch
I ever met,
But you can bet
Before we’re through
Mister, I’ll make a man
out of you.
Tranquil as a forest,
But on fire within.
Once you find your center,
you are sure to win.
You’re a spineless, pale
pathetic lot
And you haven’t got a clue.
Somehow I’ll make a man
out of you.
Saturday, 24 December 2011
Book on Trial #10: The Sisters Brothers
Title: The Sisters Brothers
Author: Patrick deWitt
Genre: Western, assassins, action, gold rush America, black humour, satire, fiction.
Recommended For: Western lovers; people who love humour in their fiction; people who like making fun of traditional Westerns; fans of True Grit; Canadians; award-winning book readers; mature content and themes.
Rating: 
Sentence: I sentence Patrick deWitt to toothbrush-clean smiles, but also the ability to avoid being mauled by fifty jobless prostitutes.
Review: This may be one of the stranger “serious”, award-winning books I’ve read. I know many people claim similarity to Blood Meridian and True Grit, but it’s almost like deWitt is making fun of the stereotypical-ness of this Western scenario.
The story hones in on Charlie and Eli Sisters (who are obviously brothers) and their plot to assassinate a Mr. Warm for the Commodore. While they are feared and clearly try to display a lack of empathy, due to their ruthlessness and aptitude for killing; Eli seems to actually be a little bit compassionate; even towards his burdensome horse, Tub. Charlie, on the other hand, appears to be a cold-hearted drunkard, but even cracks in his beastly personality make an appearance every once in awhile.
If the reader goes in expecting an epic western story out of this very short and simple novel, they will be disappointed, because there isn’t one. It’s certainly hilarious and has its quirks, but it’s almost like drowning in the misfortunes and “ups” and downs of these two brothers.
It eventually leads to their proposed “last job”, which goes horribly wrong in some hilarious and unfortunate ways.
Overall, it was a well-written story, with some much-needed humour that I find nationally acclaimed novels are lacking these days. It’s a break from my more depressing reads of this year. Although not without it’s own depressing message (to me anyway): being an assassin during the California gold rush (1850s) sucks ass.
#sisters #brothers #dewitt #canadian #cowboys #assassins #blood #meridian #cormac #fiction #giller #booker #man #nominee #hilarious #humor #humour #books #book #short #change #eli #charlie #kill #kermit #warm #gold #rush #1850s #patrickMonday, 12 September 2011
Just when I think I’ve added all interesting/noteworthy YA reads to my “to read” list on Goodreads, I find a gazillion more.
JesuspeopleIcan’treadTHATfast.
#ya #reads #read #literacy #gazillion #teen #teaching #teach #books #book #bookshelf #bookshelves #booker #man #booky #bookish #bookworm #worm #wormy #interesting #noteworthy #jesus #can't #fast #too #good #reads #goodread #goodreads #reading