Excelsior, fellow book lovers!
Sometimes I wonder why my books haven't asked for my parents' blessings yet.
You don't need to know who I am. Only that I like things. Like books. I am also a bookseller, which is why my hands are so dry to the point of them peeling off like snake-skin.
This blog is meant to be as ridiculous and funny as it is serious. I love books, reviewing them, discussing them, and analyzing them, but I'm also a fan of awesome things that make me laugh.
This does not include cheesy romantic comedies or lemon-flavoured candies. These are neither laugh-worthy (usually) or awesomely yummy (ick).
Thursday, 6 September 2012
I tell this to every customer’s kid. :D
(Source: claroswald, via chrishowardbooks)
#love #to #read #literacy #reading #books
Monday, 3 September 2012
Katy Perry is Every Teen Book Ever
I just realized this after watching the Wide Awake MV. Every single KP music video could be some sort of mash-up of scenes from a teen book.
1. I Kissed a Girl: A coming of age story about Katy figuring out who she is and what she wants in life. She has the perfect guy, is popular and things appear to be in Katy’s favour. Her life flips on itself when she finds herself attracted to a girl her age, at her school. One thing leads to another and Katy finds herself confused and the victim of her own confused feelings. After befriending this new girl, Katy can’t stop thinking about her cherry chaptstick and the kisses they shared. She realizes she doesn’t care about this new girl as much as she thought and breaks it off.
The new girl won’t have any of that. Katy’s innocent sexual explorations turns into a nightmare when she finds herself being blackmailed…okay, so I’m getting carried away with the story.In the end, our teen heroine wakes up and discovers it is all a dream.
2. Ur So Gay: Clearly a comedic story about a girl insta-loving this hipster dude from her school. Only to discover he has no penis, apparently.
3. Teenage Dream: Summer fling story about a girl visiting her family in the deep, deep suburbs. Meets friends of the family with a son her age. Bit of a bad boy. Drive off to a local beach. Sex ensues afterwards. Fast forward two months—they never see each other again.
4. California Gurls: Apparently California teens are always drinking and possibly on LSD. Everyday life to young Katy is like walking through Candyland. I suspect this ends up being a rehab story after the MV.
5. Waking Up in Vegas: Newly graduated and seeing the same guy since the beginning of high school, this teen couple pack their bags for the summer, grab their fake IDs and head over to Vegas. One loss after another win after another loss leads to drunken madness and a spiraling of morals. Confused about what they want to do with their lives, and figuring out how they’ll cope at two different colleges after the summer, the couple get married by Elvis Priestly. Their luck seems to turn for the better and they are rolling in dough for the better part of this obviously disastrous trip. The last few days of their trip is when luck seems to give them a good kick in the ass, especially noticeable after having a huge fight in their fancy new hotel room. They end up poor again and out on the streets. In a last ditch effort to see through to the end of their gambling adventures in Vegas, Katy’s beau plays slots with their last quarter at a Laundromat. They win (again).
6. Thinking of You: This would be slight historical teen fiction. Typical girl meets (gorgeous) boy and boy and girl fall in love. They feel like they could spend the rest of their lives together. Boy goes off to fight in war and dies. Girl is left heartbroken and utterly alone. Girl ends up with some douche (I only say this because while he seems like actually a decent guy, he clearly knows she loves someone else more even though he is dead and yet puts himself and and her through such misery by pretending otherwise) she doesn’t even like all that much. I bet she cries after sex. Boy comes back as ghost and haunts girl. Yeah, I totally made this into a paranormal teen story.
7. E.T.: Similar to Wall-E, this story appears to take place on remnants of Earth, in the midst of “junk”. Apparently this is after the human population has been mostly wiped out. An alien enters the solar system and through its telepathic what-nots is able to determine the history of the Earth. I think it takes the “form” of Earthly species (a hybrid) and falls in love with this kind of life. She approaches some astronaut suit-machine contraption and releases whatever is inside. Possibly the last human, and by the looks of it he’s albino. A cross-species love story.
8. Firework: Katy is like a more sparkly and larger version of Tinkerbell. A fairy doomed to the mortal world. In times of empathy or the nearness to a human in need, Katy sparks from her chest. It’s kind of inconvenient and often her clothes shrivel and burn up. She’s never really worn the same outfit twice. Katy goes around some European city helping the children and teens that live there; making their own sparks light up. Similar to Sailor Moon and the crystals found in people of value or the potential slayer bit in Buffy, Katy is encountering potential fairy-things. Perhaps even finding someone so grateful for learning the value of self-respect that they will replace Katy and she can be free to go home again. They proceed to dance in the cobbled square of some pretty nice ass building.
9. Hot ‘N Cold: This could possibly also be a really weird Sophie Kinsella type story. So I’m not sure if this was something he dreamed up happening out of revenge for leaving the bride hanging, or if this could count as some sort of weird sci-fi teen where Katy travels into Alexander’s daydreams and makes him understand that she is fucking nuts. But basically at some point, girls encounter a hot ‘n cold guy and this is the story of that. Teen-ified.
10. Part of Me: This is apparently the modern day story of Mulan, but starring Katy and her cheating, no-good ex. The ex-bf’s deceit led her to the decision of proving herself and representing her gender, apparently. I’m not sure if I’m offended she only decided to join the Marines after breaking up with the douche. A young girl trying to make her mark in the world and do her part for herself, realizing no man is worth your life. I think this is also about the War on Men, post breakup.
11. Last Friday Night: Kinda reminds me of Ferris Bueller but all at once, at one party. I’m pretty sure I’ve read like twenty teen books with these sorts of parties, where there’s that one girl that doesn’t wanna be there. In this case, it’s the host. But her friend, Rebecca Black, makes her get her party on by transforming her into a fucking unicorn of mares (via What Not to Wear style make over), while the entire Glee cast causes havoc in her house. Also, apparently this is at a time when streamers were still cool at parties. Also silly string. Love that shit. Also the pics go on FB or MySpace or someshit even though they are possibly from the 80s. But then they have a large screen TV and a Wii. WTF. I think the large brace contraption plus 80s style outfits are throwing me off. Also Hanson appears to be cool in this video, so then I thought it might be the 90s.
12. The One that Got Away: Clearly about a time-travelling woman who cannot seem to prevent her b/f, from the time she went back to, from dying. Eventually she gives up trying to keep him alive when his is killed by a random rock on the middle of the road. A pretty fucking huge rock. Final Destination-type fate is fiddling with their lives more than she can fiddle with it to end up with the one she truly loves. She settles for the man she thinks of as second best. Possibly the same guy from Thinking of You. Damn. This one is least like teen because it’s about an old woman and I had to make up that whole time-travelling part. It’s no Tempest (by Julie Cross), that’s for sure.
13. Wide Awake: A very Labyrinth-type MV, but instead of Jennifer Connolly we have teen-fantasy-cover-esque Katy Perry to do the job (she even has a cloak). So, I suspect, she’s not actually “wide awake” in this sequence of events. It appears to be a daydream between sets. Also, she is stupid enough to bite into a strawberry in a strange, unfamiliar place that has aspects of Stephen King’s The Shining. Anyway, so Katy is trapped in a labyrinth, but unlike the movie with the same name, she does not have the aid of sympathizing creatures nor, apparently, the motivation to save her younger sibling. Then, realizing this scene looks familiar, Katy pulls one of her Fireworks from her chest and aims it into the sky, much like in the last task of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. I guess she’s calling for help. The maze opens to a young girl with freaky eyes, somewhat resembling Katy. She and the girl head into this maze labyrinth instead and break through, trying to get free of this scary place in their heads (because by now you’ve figured out they are one and the same). Katy and mini Katy are now breaking out of a psychiatric ward. Katy is freaking out in a wheelchair while mini Katy butts head against TWO Minotaurs, which wakes comatose Katy. They run out of the maze into some sort of courtyard garden where a prince pretends to be her knight in shining armor, but crosses his fingers behind his back. Katy doesn’t need saving so she punches the shit out of him which breaks through the wall of the maze. They find the exit of the maze and mini Katy takes off on her bike into her past life and what have you. Katy wakes from her reverie before a concert and realizes she really did meet her past self in a freaking labyrinth (because the butterfly mini Katy gave her appears in her hands IRL). Typical teen.
Sometimes these are the things I think about on my nights off. It’s pretty damn sad…but fun!
#teen #books #ya #young #adult #reading #read #literacy #bored #this #is #what #i #do #awkward #fuckyeah #part #of #me #katy #perry #teenage #dream #the #one #that #got #away #last #fridaySunday, 19 August 2012
Fall Preview: Book Lover Heaven
So every August/September one of my favourite publishing houses hosts its fall preview of upcoming releases for booksellers. We usually win stuff and get care packages and stuff, so I’m always pumped to go. There are MANY non-fiction highlights this year, but I’m just gonna go over the stuff that had me ready to maul the speakers because I knew they had ARCs somewhere.
The Emperor of Paris by C. S. (Scott) Richardson; well known for his day job, which is designing the covers of books for this company. Falls under fiction and should already be on the shelves. Story involves a romance between a disfigured art restorer and an illiterate Parisian baker. No, he did not design his own cover art. :)
The Kill Order by James Dashner; prequel to The Maze Runner trilogy. For teens 12+ and already on the shelves. This is not how the Glade was created so much the fall of civilization.
The Malice of Fortune by Michael Ennis; historical thriller. Falls under fiction and will be out in stores by September 11th, 2012. Two main characters are Da Vinci and Machiavelli. Before Sherlock there was Da Vinci, apparently.
Crusher by Niall Leonard; not everyone knows that he is married to E. L. James (author of Fifty Shades of Grey). Falls under the category of young adult (13+) and will be out September 11th, 2012. This is an action-packed thriller involving a boy who must find his father’s murderer before he can be framed for it.
Joseph Anton by Salman Rushdie; Joseph alludes to Joseph Conrad and Anton alludes to Anton Chekhov (Rushdie’s two favourite authors). This is a strictly embargoed title and will definitely not be released earlier than September 18th, 2012 (unless those asshats at Wal-Mart continue to screw the rest of us up by releasing two days early). This is a memoir of Rushdie’s time after the release of The Satanic Verses and he was sentenced to death by Ayatollah Khomeini for Rushdie’s blasphemy against Islam. The movie Midnight’s Children, adapted by Deepa Mehta (Water), will also be released this fall.
The Black Count by Tom Reiss; recommended as a great book for Erik Larson fans! This true history of the father of Alexander Dumas, will be released September 18th, 2012. Dumas’ Count of Monte Cristo is brought to life in this historical narrative about the man that overcame betrayal and rose to power. Or as one of the host’s put it: “he loooooooved many women”.
The Rebel Heart by Moira Young; second of the Dustlands trilogy. This is set to be released on September 25th, 2012, but so help me if that shipment comes in early, I am ripping into that goddamn box. This is a young adult, post-apocalyptic (with a western feel) novel. This story continues after Saba recues her brother Lugh.
Shadows by Ilsa J. Bick; second of the Ashes trilogy. This will also be released September 25th, 2012, thereby securing my no-sleep policy in the face of obstacles. Many have called it a mash-up between The Hunger Games and World War Z; not sure I entirely agree though (yet).
The Paladin Prophecy by Mark Frost; co-creator of Twin Peaks. This is a 14+ young adult novel that combines mystery and the supernatural, to be released on September 25th, 2012. Apparently it’s about an above-average intelligence teen that is told by his parents, out of protection, to try to be average in school. He slips up on one lil’ test and his ‘rents got scared. And said, “You’re moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air.”
…and then chaos ensues when the government gets involved.
A Nation Worth Ranting About by Rick Mercer; apparently he has a book out. So this was one of our guest speakers and he was pretty freaking hilarious. Apparently this is a beautiful compilation of rants about Canada. And stuff. Will be released Septemeber 18th, 2012.
The Wisdom of Psychopaths by Kevin Dutton; I just like that there’s an owl on the cover and that the tagline groups “saints, spies, serial killers” together. A book about how to succeed if we’re psychopaths or something. Or learning from psychopaths.
The Bridge by Jane Higgins is a new young adult dystopian novel about the gated community and the shit that goes down in it.Coming out October 9th, 2012. I wasn’t paying attention, so I’m fuzzy whether it was about a bombing at a high school and the protagonist finds himself having to save everyone and shit or if there’s something about a troll under the bridge. Whatever.
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (graphic novel) by Stieg Larsson; six volumes to be released for the entire trilogy. The first volume will be released on November 13th, 2012 and the second will be available in late spring 2013. This should be fun and also disturbing.
And that is all. :) I’ll probably be getting some of these in my care package, as well as some other great stuff I was too lazy/unexcited to mention.
#ya #young #adult #preview #fall #books #bookseller #publisher #publishing #house #hosts #introduce #reading #read #literacy #promoting #sales #fun #booklover #heaven #goodreads #fresh #prince #of #bel #air #belair #will #smithSaturday, 18 August 2012
I know what I’m doing that week!
List of Banned/Challenged Classics
Frequently Challenged Authors of Colour
100 Most Frequently Challenged Books 1990-1999
100 Most Frequently Challenged Books 2000-2009
Top Ten Challenged Books By Year (2001-2011)
The ones I see the most on these lists (four times or more):
The Chocolate War (7/10), The Perks of Being a Wallflower (4/10), Alice series (5/10).
Sunday, 10 June 2012
LOL. Basically.
#451 #69 #91 #at #author #best #bradbury #days #dead #deadmau5 #fahrenheit #fiction #illustrated #literacy #man #old #ray #read #sad #science #sexy #stroke #veldt #fuck #meThursday, 7 June 2012
Book on Trial #31: Hemlock
I think I should be honest that I am partial to werewolf stories, especially if “real” politics are involved. Also, the spoilers are bound to be endless.
Author: Peacock, Kathleen
Title: Hemlock
Keywords: Werewolves, shapeshifting, murder, best friends, love triangles, dead parents, teen, depressing, ghosts, dreams, typical young adult.
Recommended For: 12+, fans of Rachel Caine, Charlaine Harris, and the show Teen Wolf (junk supernatural)
Rating: 
Sentence: I sentence Kathleen Peacock to a prophetic, teenage dream every morning, where everyone she knows turns into a werewolf and is in love with her.
Review: Basically I liked this enough to stay up all night reading it, but it was more of a resigned “let’s get this over with” read. There was nothing really wrong with this book. Like I said in my recommendations, this book will appeal to people that are big on teenage drama, junk supernatural, with that twist of not-really-clever mystery. And, to be honest, I fall under all those categories (when I’m really bored). For that, I gave Hemlock three solid plums.
Besides, Peacock is one of the better YA authors I have read in awhile. Her articulation is spot on and she doesn’t get attached to words she does not know how to correctly use.
That being said, the inconsistencies are way too noticeable. Here’s a small example:
“Tess slid out of the boot and dropped a couple of bills on the table, even though she’d barely touched her food.” (p.14)
And then, on the same frakking page:
“I glanced down at the empty salad bowl and scooped up the crumpled bills.” (P.14)
Light editing is all it takes, my friend. I started to over-think the missing salad situation, wondering if it would make a come back later in the book and be explained. Like maybe Ben was secretly eating people’s leftovers because he’s really poor or something. I convinced myself it was too simple of an inconsistency to be made on the same goddamn page. It had to be a salad-stealing werewolf, right? Or the ghost of Amy—maybe Amy really was a ghost and little clues like this would be left behind. SPOILER: She is not a ghost. Just a dream or figment of Mac’s nightmares.
But do not be fooled as easily as I was, by my over-active imagination. A mistake is just a mistake sometimes.
There was one particular inconsistency that made me literally rip a bit of my hair out. I would like to think it was actually Mac’s stubbornness and disability in recognizing her deteriorating emotional state.
“I hated crying in front of other people.” (p.5) She says this, but that doesn’t mean she does not cry at all (which I noted down). But it’s like the people she knows don’t see when she’s in distress, even if she walks away, shaking and trying not to cry (p.57).
“It’s like you don’t care she’s dead…” (p.78 ) How dumb is this Jason kid?
“Tears blurred my vision…” (p.79)
“Tears and snot ran down my face.” (p.93) Attractive, but awesome since she’s legit in danger.
“Tears streamed down my face.” (p.97)
“My vision blurred and I closed my eyes. I would not cry in front of him.” (p.121)
“My eyes filled with tears…it wasn’t fair to cry…sight of crying girl was scarier than anything that had happened” (p.138-9).
“I cried like my heart was breaking.” (p.151)
“A tear slid down my cheek…” (p.172)
“My vision blurred.” (p.182)
“Tears filled my eyes and spilled over…For once I wanted someone to see me cry.” (p.223)
“I wiped my eyes with the sleeve of my jacket.” (p.253)
“You’re still crying,” (p.267)
“I realized I was crying.” (p.290)
“Tears filled my eyes…” (p.300)
“My eyes with tears so hot they burned.” (p.302)
“I closed my eyes and tears leaked out from under my lids.” (p.303)
“And then I was crying—so hard and so fast that it hurt.” (p.305)
“My eyes filled with tears.” (p.323-4)
“I swallowed and blinked away tears.” (p.363)
“I bit my lip and blinked away tears.” (p.393)
“I didn’t want to explain to ess why I was crying.” (p.396)
“The tears coursing down my cheeks…” (p.396)
I think it’s fair to say that Mac cries a lot. Not sure about pre-Amy’s death, but post-Amy’s death all she can talk about is crying and trying not to cry, which makes you really notice when she’s crying.
It also turns out that almost everyone in Hemlock is a frakking werewolf. I wouldn’t be surprised, if by the end, Mac and Jason end up being werewolves too. Or Tess. At this rate, the whole world will be infested with werewolves faster than herpes at this shady club on my favourite street.
You know what I love about this author? She doesn’t pretend she has never read a book in her life. She acknowledges that ideas and images come from somewhere, especially popular literature. She mentions Harry Potter, references Judy Blume and doesn’t shy away from using an Outsiders-like geographical standard of living and separation (different sides of the river instead, p. 17).
Hemlock is a combination of all the things you could love and hate about young adult stuff. It starts off with that typical, life-endangering dream. Hemlock, turns into what appears to be a combination of Bon Temps (Sookie Stackhouse series by Charlaine Harris) and Morganville (Morganville Vampires series by Rachel Caine); little town dealing with worldwide, supernatural problems. Much of the politics and bills being passed reminded me more of the show True Blood. The Trackers, on the other hand, felt like an exact replica of the Hunters from Teen Wolf or I suppose from one of those L. J. Smith series’, except they all seem to be bad guys or in over their heads. There appear to be no Buffy-like slayers/hunters. Where’s a bad-ass girl when you need one?
Anyway, so our weak little Mac has her dead best friend trying to help her solve mysteries (this is, of course, Mac’s subconscious trying to “help” her), which is reminiscent of early Veronica Mars and Lilly (Amanda Seyfried) prancing around keeping dangerous secrets that need to be pried from her cold, dead fingers.
It had just about as much romantic (and otherwise) drama as Veronica Mars. One second it’s all about the platonic-ness of everyone and then suddenly Kyle is glued to her lips, then tosses her aside and then picks her up again and tells Mackenzie (not Mac anymore) he loves her. Jason finally admits to loving her “ever since Christmas last year” and Mac is all like “OMG, everything is my fault. Amy probs hated me before she died, because the world revolves around what people think of me, even though I can’t seem to figure it all out on my own and have to be spoon-fed emotions I should understand.”
And then I was like:
Basically this book could only illicit one emotion from me: mild amusement. It was like trying to watch this ginger kid eat ice cream.
Fascinating.
But actually, the mild amusement led to mild enjoyment. So yeah, read it or something, while I watch this kid eat ice cream like a boss.
Also, my favourite: “Without thinking, I hurled my book at his chest.” (p. 164) That’s exactly what every good teen book needs. A little bit of hurling of objects and books so that you can possibly deal with the stupidity.
#hemlock #book #on #trial #peacock #books #reading #read #goodreads #literacy #literate #teen #fiction #werewolves #lupine #virus #never #gets #old #scratch #bite #young #adult #ya #debut #2012 #herpes #awkward #veronica #marsWednesday, 30 May 2012
Oh Goodreads, how I love thee.
A screencap of the wonderful suggestions GR has provided based on the books I read “for the lulz”.
More people should be reading Patrick Ness’ Chaos Walking trilogy. The Hunger Games is over-rated, but goddamn, CW is fucking amazing (not under-rated but definitely not talked about enough). I can’t even fathom how he made these characters all so frakking real. I fucking feel for the HORSE. THE HORSE.
I hate horses, irl. :|
I love you, Patrick Ness.
#patrick #ness #chaos #walking #trilogy #knife #of #never #letting #go #spackle #ask #answer #monsters #men #teen #ya #reading #read #book #books #goodreads #readsFriday, 25 May 2012
Fan of so-and-so? Find out if you fit the stereotype! :) It’s pretty hilarious, though not entirely true.
Tuesday, 17 April 2012
Book on Trial #25: Illuminate
SPOILER ALERT: It’s been awhile since I read this book so I may not remember the smaller details, but might give away the bigger ones.
Author: Agresti, Aimee
Title: Illuminate
Keywords: Fairies, angels, scars, cute boys, high school, internship, hotel, adoption, hospitals, co-op, devil, souls, success, earning, immediate results, cursed, fighting back, under a spell, tainted, wings, driven, improbable, friends, love, sacrifice, belonging, memories, painting, art, Dorian Gray.
Recommended For: 12+, fans of The Picture of Dorian Gray
Rating: 
Sentence: I sentence Aimee Agresti to carrying ten copies of Illuminate on her back for 48 hours. That’s how it felt when I really wanted to speed through but there were just so many possibly crucial…words. ;D
Review: I only complain about the size of the book because I fear it’ll turn off many teens from reading a pretty decent and witty book. It’s not even complicated or too heavy for teens that read Twilight and The Mortal Instruments trilogy series (UGH).
Basically all the events of this book are highly improbable, but that is true of thousands upon thousands of books. And I therefore cannot judge this book by the crazy awesome opportunity to work in a hotel for credit or the fact that the protagonist agreed even though she is not going into hospitality services but medicine (tentatively).
From the very beginning (sort of) you know that Haven Terra (even if you ignored her ridiculous name) is some sort of angel-winged-thing. It’s no secret to anyone but her.
If I could sum up this book it would be like reading The Picture of Dorian Gray, very teened up and partially immersed in a modernized Dante Alighieri’s Divine Comedy settings. Perhaps Dante, Haven’s BFFL is a tip of the hat to the epic Italian poet.
In any case, the slow development and lack of action is worth sitting through. Agresti is clearly not new to writing and shows it with her wit and her quirky characters.
My only complaint is that Dante was a little too stereotypical as the gay friend and if he is to be so flamboyant and, well, gay he needs balance. I am all for the inclusion of diversity in books, especially teen, but a flamboyant gay protagonist needs a not-so-stereotypical gay to balance him; to show readers that not all people belong to a single label. People are more complex and cannot be entirely compartmentalized. I believe that is a responsibility of authors, as crazy and fantastical as their stories may be; people are people and that, at least, should read honestly.
#book #on #trial #mtv #video #illuminate #25 #twenty #five #books #goodreads #read #reading #reader #young #adult #teen #teens #aimee #agresti #wit #funny #angels #wings #dante #divine #comedy #picture #of #dorian gray